Sunday, February 8, 2015

Once again it is Sunday.....

Seems like I always return to this on a Sunday evening ... I wonder why I can't seem to find the time during the week.  Maybe the time is there and the desire but I fall into the being lazy mode.  Fall back into that which is easier, which in many respects is a waste of time...lose self in the nonsense of TV and other things...I often wonder why I do that as this blog has become a safe haven and an opportunity to be myself and release inner feelings that I have locked away so often...the reason for this is to once again to make time for myself.

It has been a busy week in many aspects -- and i am in a struggle to get better organized with work projects.  There is certainly more on my plate and I have created and committed to a new range of projects.  Partially as they have been assigned and partially because I felt that I had fallen into a rut and questioned my own value at at work.  I know my philosophy is that all that matters is how you view or feel about what you do but there was a nudge from a source outside of myself encouraging me to take on more and be more creative.  This nudge was not from a person but was an inner energy that moved me on to new platforms. Ans so the "need for a "to Do" list is also a part of what I am trying to do -- I realize that the obligations floating in my head are not the way to meet deadlines and get things done in an organized way.  ALso the post-it notes approach does not work either.  Thus I go towards a new level of organization.  The new projects and challenges are exactly what I need, and will give me added opportunities to venture into not routine topics and projects.  I always strive on newness and creativity and doing things different, the unexpected. I remember when I taught at SLU students that took my classes always commented on that is not the way you taught this last semester-- you are using new books and there are new assignments -- and that is what made me successful. Not in the eyes of students alone but in my own eyes and that is where it all is being true to your own self and acting in a way that allows you to proudly looking at yourself and knowing the inner voice is what leads you and brings you peace.

On the personal side there has been many inner movements, urging me to reconsider where I put my time and energy. And so the quandary continues...Do I matter to others or do I just fit into their schedule -- the query of deeply mattering to another/others... not just the familiar but rather the ultimate fulfillment of one another -- the excitement that cannot be expressed...the knowing that one is always there for you and you for becomes unpressed by words and when it is there you do not have to wonder -- there is an inner knowing.

A close friend of mine, not actually a soulmate on a special level, posted this earlier this week on FB.  And it made me stand back and think deeper about where I feel most comfortable.  I am most comfortable when I take those silent moments and listen to the voice of the LIGHT, the voice of the universe.  If I turn the "BOB" off and allow myself to hear then there is the constant draw to a higher level of completion.  It is not so much my plan that matters but it is the surrender to a higher plan.  This does not take away my freedom or ability to choose.  Rather it gives me the gentle nudge and whisper to consider things with a new eye or a new vision. It is hard to explain but there is the struggle to let go and at the same time the peace that comes when I walk the path of the LIGHT.  It is when I surrender me, or maybe the me I think I should be into the me that has has a higher guidance calling me to is the transcendence to a level of peace. It is that warm hug that brings me comfort -- knowing that I am where I belong on this earthly journey.  Not so much an earthly journey as it is to the highest level of spiritual peace and fulfillment.  It is the continuous movement to both the known and the unknown -- it is the journey of challenging yourself and not being comfortable with just being but rather more comfortable with a full existence.

The ultimate is not beyond us, 
not living in someone or something else. 
 The ultimate lies with us, 
we just need to allow our self to surrender to this great self, 
which blends the entire universe as one
 and in so doing continue on our eternal journey 

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