Monday, February 9, 2015

Thoughts for a Monday Morning

I found these three quotes this morning and wanted to share them -- will deeper dive with them later today:

"The Secret of getting ahead is
getting started."
Mark Twain

"No matter how difficult the past,'you can always
begin again."
Jack Kornfield

"The words you speak become the house
you live in."

My challenge is to take some quiet moments during the day to think about one of these an incorporate your discovering into your actions, emotions and spiritual quest. Having mini quiet moments each day is a great way to refresh and regroup.  They serve as a spiritual nap -- the old adage -- five minuets in the horizontal can do more to refresh then a full eight hours of sleep.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Once again it is Sunday.....

Seems like I always return to this on a Sunday evening ... I wonder why I can't seem to find the time during the week.  Maybe the time is there and the desire but I fall into the being lazy mode.  Fall back into that which is easier, which in many respects is a waste of time...lose self in the nonsense of TV and other things...I often wonder why I do that as this blog has become a safe haven and an opportunity to be myself and release inner feelings that I have locked away so often...the reason for this is to once again to make time for myself.

It has been a busy week in many aspects -- and i am in a struggle to get better organized with work projects.  There is certainly more on my plate and I have created and committed to a new range of projects.  Partially as they have been assigned and partially because I felt that I had fallen into a rut and questioned my own value at at work.  I know my philosophy is that all that matters is how you view or feel about what you do but there was a nudge from a source outside of myself encouraging me to take on more and be more creative.  This nudge was not from a person but was an inner energy that moved me on to new platforms. Ans so the "need for a "to Do" list is also a part of what I am trying to do -- I realize that the obligations floating in my head are not the way to meet deadlines and get things done in an organized way.  ALso the post-it notes approach does not work either.  Thus I go towards a new level of organization.  The new projects and challenges are exactly what I need, and will give me added opportunities to venture into not routine topics and projects.  I always strive on newness and creativity and doing things different, the unexpected. I remember when I taught at SLU students that took my classes always commented on that is not the way you taught this last semester-- you are using new books and there are new assignments -- and that is what made me successful. Not in the eyes of students alone but in my own eyes and that is where it all is being true to your own self and acting in a way that allows you to proudly looking at yourself and knowing the inner voice is what leads you and brings you peace.

On the personal side there has been many inner movements, urging me to reconsider where I put my time and energy. And so the quandary continues...Do I matter to others or do I just fit into their schedule -- the query of deeply mattering to another/others... not just the familiar but rather the ultimate fulfillment of one another -- the excitement that cannot be expressed...the knowing that one is always there for you and you for becomes unpressed by words and when it is there you do not have to wonder -- there is an inner knowing.

A close friend of mine, not actually a soulmate on a special level, posted this earlier this week on FB.  And it made me stand back and think deeper about where I feel most comfortable.  I am most comfortable when I take those silent moments and listen to the voice of the LIGHT, the voice of the universe.  If I turn the "BOB" off and allow myself to hear then there is the constant draw to a higher level of completion.  It is not so much my plan that matters but it is the surrender to a higher plan.  This does not take away my freedom or ability to choose.  Rather it gives me the gentle nudge and whisper to consider things with a new eye or a new vision. It is hard to explain but there is the struggle to let go and at the same time the peace that comes when I walk the path of the LIGHT.  It is when I surrender me, or maybe the me I think I should be into the me that has has a higher guidance calling me to is the transcendence to a level of peace. It is that warm hug that brings me comfort -- knowing that I am where I belong on this earthly journey.  Not so much an earthly journey as it is to the highest level of spiritual peace and fulfillment.  It is the continuous movement to both the known and the unknown -- it is the journey of challenging yourself and not being comfortable with just being but rather more comfortable with a full existence.

The ultimate is not beyond us, 
not living in someone or something else. 
 The ultimate lies with us, 
we just need to allow our self to surrender to this great self, 
which blends the entire universe as one
 and in so doing continue on our eternal journey 

Sunday, February 1, 2015

Snow, peace, a new month, a new feeling of knowing self

February 1, 2015 and the snow keeps coming and coming.  Been awhile since we have had snow like this -- blizzard conditions this afternoon and evening..will have to see what the morning brings.  To sit inside and look at it is great and very beautiful, just when you go out to shovel.  But the focus is on the tranquility of the beautiful scene of nature.

My ranting earlier this week about worry and feeling down served as a stimulus to reboot myself and my energy.  The week ended with a huge boost of creativity and I got several projects done.  Moved into a different realm of approaching what was on my plate, personally, work, and spiritually. I owned the end of the week and am very proud of what I produced.  Took the opportunity for a newness and higher level of making material relevant to the end user. New inner spirit for myself -- stopped thinking about the negative and approached the level of possibility and happiness -- I got the best of movement towards the LIGHT instead of letting darkness be in control. There was that feel good sense within -- I was able to move to a different level of thinking -- not thinking about but rather thinking with the world energy.

I found this image and it really "says" where we all can find peace and knowledge -- when we come home to our Heart -- that sacred space within that has a security and peace that you cannot express in words but where you can sit in the comfort of knowing you are where you belong...I always think of it as the place where we feel the hug of divine energy -- we are wrapped in a comfort not of this world but of the ultimate peace -- the LIGHT.  There is no time or space limitation -- we are somewhere that is not expressible. Funny how we are so content when we are there but often we fight, at least I do, letting go of control and falling into the suspended animation of trust. When we sit within that peace, nothing can invade the inner questioning of doubt.  And so I realize that there is always within each of us that sacred place, we need to turn off the distractions, the things we think that we must do or must worry about.  I think of it as the free fall into the nothingness -- a free fall into warm, peace and truth.

So Sunday is wrapping up, will have to see what Mother Nature brings over night -- how the roads are -- and how long it will take to dig the car out again -- who knows might just be surprised.

I wish everyone the strength and trust to go into your Heart and find the ultimate realization of what can be -- feel the illumination of the LIGHT. I leave you with words for reflection...

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

And so I wander....

Not sure where this month has gone or the past few weeks.  Well, not totally true.  I have in a sense been a recluse within myself.  Falling into the realm of worry about work and losing my job, into the valley of loneliness and into the darkness of self pity.  All in all in a funk I could not move beyond.  I admit I wasn't sure i wanted to leave it or actually had the inner energy to move beyond it. There was a sense of both security and insecurity there.

 I have spent much psychic energy toss questions over and over in my head.  I wanted to write about the struggle but never could move myself to do so.  I think it was because that would mean facing a reality I was not ready to accept or maybe because I could not "see" the other side it was easier to stay where I was.  All in all I am not sure what locked me in...the battle of not liking my mood and the contradiction of not wanting to move beyond. Buying more books to get the key out only to let them sit in the endless piles of -- yes I need to read that too.

 Understand the time has had many highs and lows but there was more of a grayness.  I guess it was a time of paradox.  Layoffs at work and I spent way to much worry energy that it would affect me...playing over every possible outcome.  There was the loneliness of needing to know where I stood in the lives of the people that matter to recurring wonder of "do I really matter."  Playing over in my head and heart the hurts I have caused by my choices. This seems at times to be a recurring theme.

Ever know you should..know you can and you just sit there??? Drives me crazy but where I am at times.

And so I am here again -- my stream of flowing consciousness -- a sense of spiritual sum it up I am in a blah realm -- the good and the bad all flow into the same sphere of existence.  Desires are there and strong at times but the grayness wins over a movement to the LIGHT.  Others that are hurting come to me as "father confessor" and to be their comfort and ear -- never allowing myself to let on that I was suffering from a similar set of feelings. I never mind helping -- glad they trust me...BUT...I could never do that for some reason, let them know I was also hurting -- To paint the full picture, to write the lyrics of my song, my over sensitivity and self pity often has won out over the past weeks.  No I am not a disaster just on a plateau of nothingness at times.

The rambling of this entry is where I sit in my head, heart and soul -- a creative energy at work waxes and wanes and my spiritual life is full of no movement and emptiness -- it is as if I am writing/creating a pencil sketch and do not know how to put the colors and texture into the picture. Like the grayness of the world in winter -- struggling to let the sun in or transforming the dull of the winter earth into a beautiful white design.

And so dear LIGHT draw me in -- illuminate me -- do not draw me in but grab me and shake me into the reality of hope. Rattle my excuses -- ok give me a spiritual kick in the ass...tear up the list of my excuses -- remove that security blanket -- give me the energy and grace. Answer me!

Monday, January 19, 2015

Caught my eye -- Monday's meditation

Nothing is every static, all things are in motion.  It is the motion of life that makes us all we can be.  It is accepting the series of changes that builds us up, makes us complete, becomes the wonderful picture of our lives.  The key is to flow with the changes -- move with them and not worry about them.  The static person dies both inside and out...the person that allows the change to freely flow moves to TRUTH and LIGHT.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

And so it is Sunday night...

Not sure where the week has gone not to mention the weekend.  The week ended with me slipping on black ice in the parking lot in my building on the way to work.  Needless to say it still hurts.  Going from a standing position to hitting your tailbone, back and head is not very comfortable. Guess I am getting old.

Yesterday brought with it a melancholy mood and resulted in my re-organizing and re-arranging my room creating more of a me space and a "new" spiritual place. Funny how our moods can serve as a stimulant to change that we do not even know we need. The peace energy is already being felt, and now I just need to release and act on the moment and not do my usual planning approach.  I realize I have enough versions of the Bible and enough reflective books and other good reads that Barnes and Nobel and Amazon are not going to see Bob for awhile...we will see how long it lasts.

At church tonight the entrance hymn was one of my favorite -- The Summons.  It certainly came at the right time and the whisper of the spirit was felt as a tingling and warm hug as we sang it. Hard to explain but there was the answer(s) to question I quandary over all too often. I put it here for your reflection as well.

1. Will you come and follow me
If I but call your name?
Will you go where you don’t know
And never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown,
Will you let my name be known,
Will you let my life be grown
In you and you in me?

2. Will you leave yourself behind
If I but call your name?
Will you care for cruel and kind
And never be the same?
Will you risk the hostile stare
Should your life attract or scare?
Will you let me answer pray’r
In you and you in me?

3. Will you let the blinded see
If I but call your name?
Will you set the pris’ners free
And never be the same?
Will you kiss the leper clean,
And do such as this unseen,
And admit to what I mean
In you and you in me?

4. Will you love the ‘you’ you hide
If I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside
And never be the same?
Will you use the faith you’ve found
To reshape the world around,
Through my sight and touch and sound
In you and you in me?

5. Lord, your summons echoes true
When you but call my name.
Let me turn and follow you
And never be the same.
In your company I’ll go
Where your love and footsteps show.
Thus I’ll move and live and grow
In you and you in me.

This song is so powerful.  In each verse we are asked by the LIGHT, by Jesus, if we are willing to let go of self to follow and serve him. No, it is not a call to we but a call to Bob.  The call to move into the heart of the divine, and to lay there in peace and tranquility. And then with the comfort, strength and grace found in the bosom of the LIGHT we can move to help others. In the first reading tonight it was the call of Samuel who did not understand it was the voice of God calling until he surrendered and said yes. The gospel is about the call of the first disciples and the change pf Simon, son of John, having his name changed to Peter.  This song has always filled me with joy and an urge to change. It is like the warm hug I so often need and long for.  It is a challenge but also placed within the grace of being able to respond to needs within and around us. 

It reminded me tonight of Pope Francis' homily yesterday to the youth of the Philippines to surrender their mind, their heart and their hands to those in need.. He challenged everyone to not just act and think they are helping but extend your hand and take that of those you help and be open to what they give you -- move beyond the gift you think you give them to admit your own vulnerability and receive the gift and grace they give to us.

And so I accept the call to follow the LIGHT, the Lord, the Divine energy -- not by some set of laws and precepts, not by some pre-established set of rules, but by an openness to the call.  My hope, my goal, my journey is:

Lord, your summons echoes true
When you but call my name.