O, how often I look at a weakness or when something bad happens as "what did I do wrong," or "why me." I dwell on the hurt and the ill that is caused. I focused on my level of frustration with the set of events rather than looking at how can I use this to grow. My way of dealing with such things has always been to panic or to delve into a deep depression of anxiety.
This passage made me think or maybe realize that God is always there. He is the LIGHT and is a source of strength. If I would only let go of control, not to have to be perfect and always right and fall into the arm of God I would have a refreshing newness and comfort. Why is it that I have always turned to the worry stage rather than to the grace stage. Grace is always there and we have a great storehouse within. It is a set of seedlings withing us that we only have to tap as as source of strength and comfort. Grace is a gift that is freely given, and thereby we must freely receive it and use it as a source of growth and comfort. These two passages from scripture for this weeks liturgy say it all:
Oh, come to the water all you who are thirsty;
though you have no money, come!
Seek the Lord while he is still to be found,
call to him while he is still near.
Here in lies the truth of this above quote -- that our strength -- the thirst we have for peace when we are hurting and feel lost is found in the arms and the comfort of the LIGHT. The love of the divine becomes fully shown when we accept our weakness and hurt and let the void be filled. WE do not, or maybe better, I do not have to be perfect and be all. It is OK for me to to be weak, it is OK for me to need the help of others but most important that of the LIGHT. I have always had this Irish Catholic guilt, that whispers in my ear -- what did you do wrong, why did you do that, why didn't you...
I am slowly coming to the realization that this journey called life is full of up and downs and it is our call to respond to the moments. To respond not by someone else road-map bu by our own vision. The essence of being to to live for your inner call and be true to your picture that you paint every day.
I now realize that by not being in control and allowing the divine presence to serve as a guide and to call me to say yes to the grace within. It is the opportunity to fall freely into the unknown -- and in that act of free falling to find the true self I am desiring to form within.